change

The last few days, I've been in a bit of a funk. I can't pinpoint exactly the cause, but I do know that it's been negatively affecting me.

There are a few things going on in my life that have been bothering me, and taken separately, don't pose much of a concern. However, when I take the time to slow down and evaluate my life in its entirety (which I did on Sunday afternoon), these small things become much larger when compiled.

I will admit it seems a bit silly to feel the way I do in relativity -- two of my close friends lost their grandmothers in the last week and others are dealing with horrible jobs -- but I can't help how I feel. I feel especially guilty because I know that my current state of mind is brought upon as a result of my own behaviors. I took the day off yesterday because I had a terrible headache and truthfully couldn't fathom going to work in the state of mind I was in, and while at home started reading a book on change. Although I didn't read it cover to cover, I did take away a few key points, the most important of which was this:

"What is the price of not changing?"

I think too many times we (or at least I), in the wake of making a choice to change, focus on the price of change, whether it be an actual price tag or in the way of sacrifice. When instead, perhaps facing the realization of what course our lives may take if we don't make the change would be a more effective approach. After starting a few lists and really reflecting upon my current life path, I realized that not changing is going to cost me a lot -- financially, health-wise and emotionally.

And I'm not sure if all this reflection has to do with my age or my place in life right now (emotionally, financially, etc.), but I do know that I am ready to grab the bull by its proverbial horns and make a commitment to change a few aspects of my life. I think one of my favorite scientists said it best:

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
- Albert Einstein

They say that the first step to change is admitting you have a problem, and now that I have that under my belt, the hard work begins.