Although February 2010 is inherently of no great significance, it is one more month that I have lived in Denver, worked at my job and resided at my current address. June will mark three years in Denver. In August, it will be three years at my job. And, right around the corner is April, which equates to one year at my loft.
For someone who spent the first 18 years of her life in one town, 14 of those living in the same house, assigning such importance to these timestamps may seem insignificant and a bit frivolous. However, things are altered when added to the equation are the facts that since the age of 18, I have not yet had the one zip code for more than two years or stayed at the same job for more than three. Obviously, some of the aforementioned time was during my college years, where it is expected to reside in multiple dwellings over the years and hold jobs for short periods. But, beyond college, I have continued the pattern and now, at the age of 29, with June and the three-year-in-Denver mark fast approaching, I am fighting off a strong urge to pick up and do what I always do -- move and start over.
This feeling is not necessarily directly related to specific places or people, but just a general one of restlessness. In fact, we're a good match Denver and me, the best I have found so far. And, I have met so many amazing people here. But still, I cannot shake the feeling.
Honestly, at first thought, moving again makes me want to breakdown in tears -- all the packing, starting a new job, forming new relationships. But then, when I really take time to think about it, I realize that though the tasks surrounding moving and beginning anew are tedious, the results are rewarding -- meeting new people, the opportunity to learn and expand my knowledge and skills at a new job, the experience of once again discovering who I am in the process. . . Perhaps that is what I'm missing most -- rediscovering myself. Moving provides the perfect opportunity for some major self-inspection and, if needed, changes.
To be fair, I may be assigning a negative connotation to restlessness, which is not completely fair. When, in my opinion, feelings of restlessness have led to many great opportunities and results. Without at least a small amount of restlessness, we become complacent. Although not necessarily a bad place to be, I feel complete complacency can lead to laziness and the tendency to accept the status quo. And, as those who know me best can attest, I am typically never one who just accepts things for how they are.
In all honestly, I can't really leave Denver now even if I wanted to. Ok, I suppose I could as no one is holding me here by knife-point. But, I have accepted a great deal of responsibility with my Jaycees position and really, I would feel terrible leaving my co-workers high-and-dry. Not to mention, I have formed some awesome relationships here. So, I will refocus the energy I'm expending on the restlessness and instead examine it, sit with it and really understand its implications. Beyond understanding, I hope to accept it and move on. I would be naive in believing that the restlessness will not reappear again throughout my life, but if I truly comprehend it, I will be prepared next time it does.
In the meantime, if any of my Denver friends overhear me talking about new adventures or see me with moving boxes, please feel free to slap some sense into me. Literally.