January 5, 2010

a human being, not a human doing

Another year, another decade -- all evidence that no matter what happens in life, time continues on. The year 2009 brought many things, some of them good and others not. I am different, yet I am the same.

Each year, it amazes me how quickly time passes. It seems that just yesterday I was living in my first apartment, in love with my first "real" boyfriend, excited for adulthood and all the amazing things it would bring. But, here I am, 29 years-old and yet sometimes it feels like no time has passed at all and I am that same girl, watching TV on my 19-inch RCA from the comfort of my green futon. The person who was scared she would never make anything of herself, yet concurrently frightened by what would happen if all her dreams came true. The girl who had an idea of what she wanted out of life, but really, had no clue at all.

I have accomplished many things and grown tremendously over the past 11 years, and I am truly grateful. Sometimes though, it feels as if I am in a moving car, peering out from the back window, watching my life pass me by.

A friend recently gave me one of the best pieces of advice I may ever receive -- she told me I needed to allow myself permission to just be, to live my life and forgive myself for the past and move forward. Through her wisdom and my own self-examination, I realized there are so many accomplishments and goals I want to achieve in my lifetime, but that none of these will mean a thing if I do not get out of the car and allow myself to enjoy them.

So, this year, 2010, I am going to follow the advice of my friend and take the time to just be. And to grant myself mercy more often, to let me breathe and allow myself to live life, fully-engaged.

No comments:

Post a Comment