life, or something like it

I'm not sure at what point this blog morphed into a philosophical journey into my life. Honestly, the initial goal was to keep family and friends abreast on my latest goings-on. Somewhere along the way though, the blog became a therapeutic mechanism and a "task" that I now look forward to and enjoy. I suppose that is the writer in me. Regardless (and a warning), welcome to therapy via writing.

Unfortunately, I have yet to rid myself of the feelings of restlessness described in my last blog post. However, in the days that have passed since I last posted, I have taken time to sit with the feeling, examine them and discuss, with a little help from good friends. In this process, I have discovered two things: 1) I am not alone in my feelings and; 2) these feelings are pretty much just part of being an adult

At the age of 9, I clearly remember what I wanted to be when I grew up -- a heart surgeon. Oh yes, I also wanted to publish poetry and of course, be a wife. Clearly, the surgery route did not transpire and I'm not sure about the wife-thing at this point. But, I think I may have been nearly dead-on with the poetry, loosely at least. However, never in these daydreams did it ever occur to me that in my adult years I would also probably be in debt, not always be happy and sometimes be alone. I suppose these omissions could be blamed on the general naivety that comes with the territory of being a child. Nevertheless, these are all components that have comprised my adult life at some point.

In talking to my BFF a few days, we both discovered that we are in similar mindsets concerning our lives as adults and the unfulfilled assumptions, although we are at very different life stages at this point. My best friend lives in a yurt -- sans running water -- outside of Jackson, Wyo., with her fiance. Although a very out-going person by nature, she has struggled with finding her place socially in her community and spends a lot of time at home. I, on the other hand, live solo in a loft in downtown Denver and have met a large number of people in my two-plus years here and am lucky to count many as friends. Additionally, it is likely that I spend an estimated average of two hours during the week at home, not counting sleeping-time.

However, for as vastly different as our lifestyles may be, we both feel that our lives as adults in our 20s are not at all what we expected. And obviously, this reaches beyond just the feelings of two people. Bookstore shelves are abundant with related titles, such as "Surviving your Quarter-life Crisis" and "Twenty-something, Twenty-everything." When did our 20s stop being the time when we made mistakes and chalked it up to learning and become expectation-riddled and overbearing?

I recently watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy (yes, I am admitting I watch Grey's on occasion), during which Meredith described the moment one becomes a doctor:

You never forget the moment you become a doctor.
A switch flips; suddenly you're not playing
dress-up anymore.
You own the white coat.
What you may not notice is the moment that being
a doctor changes you.

I think this analogy also pertains to life as an adult. We may not be able to pinpoint the exact moment as Meredith describes, but at some point, it becomes blindingly clear that we are responsible for our own lives. Adulthood has entered the picture and regardless of what we thought it would look like, here it is. Now, if we could only figure out what to do with it . . .