I received an e-mail yesterday from Whole Foods, which was not unexpected as I am on their mailing list and similar e-mails arrive in my in box on a weekly basis. There was nothing strange or distinctive regarding this particular installment, save the subject line: Guess Who's Turning 30?
Now, a logical person would have probably read the subject line and then proceeded by taking one of two actions -- 1) open the e-mail if they had any interest in reading on, or 2) delete the e-mail. Yes, a reasonable person would have chosen one of the previous options. However, let's add into the mix that the person receiving the e-mail (me) is just more than a week shy of turning 30 AND is not the least bit excited nor happy to be crossing this threshold of a decade in her life.
Okay, back to yesterday and the e-mail as I'm sure the suspense is eating at you by now. Upon reading the subject line, I promptly marched over to my boss' office and exclaimed that somehow, someway, Whole Foods has discovered that I am turning 30. I believe it went a little something like this: "How! Does! Everyone! Know! I! Am! Turing! 30!?"
After calming me down (aka, telling me I'm crazy, or something to that effect), he told me that I probably, at some point, had filled out a survey or signed up for an offer that required me to submit my date of birth. After hearing this news, I made my way back to my cube, sulking along the way. Upon returning to my computer, I chose option number one and opened the e-mail and, wouldn't you know it, Whole Foods is celebrating their 30th anniversary this month. Oops.
At this point you're probably asking yourself why, even if it had been true that Whole Foods had "discovered" my age, would it be such a big deal. It really wouldn't have, except for that fact that I really, really, really do not want to turn 30. Although my 20s were definitely not met without adversity and a few major trials and tribulations, I really posses no desire to bid them adieu. I like my 20s. I want to stay here. I want to live in the decade where learning and making mistakes are built into the equation, where responsibility is something that can be postponed, or at the very least, put on layaway.
And, I love my friends, but if one more of them tells me that "30 is the new 20" or that their "30s have been the best years of their life," I will scream. Seriously. (You know who you are).
Yes, I understand the basis of my hatred toward the big 3-0 is unfounded. Am I being over dramatic and a bit ridiculous? Maybe (okay, probably). But, it makes my feelings no less real. Obviously, this is something that is going to happen -- I am going to turn 30 next week. It's inevitable. I just hope that I can come to terms with it sooner, rather than later.
In the hopes of not being written off as a whiny, unappreciative brat, I would like to say I am thankful for all that life has given me for the first 29 years and 51 weeks of my life. And, the good news is I'm frequently mistaken for a 24-27 year-old, which will downplay the turning 30 (hopefully).
I'm thinking I may need to embrace my inner Samantha Jones to make this whole process less intimidating. No, I'm not going to promptly turn to promiscuity to get me through the years, but I do think there's something to be said about a woman who doesn't let age hinder how she lives. Plus, I've always wanted to use her line: "I'm forty-fu**ing five, and I'm Fabulous." (I omitted the middle part just in case there are young eyes reading the page).
Regardless of how I do it, I am going to have to accept and deal with turning 30. It's going to happen. I'm just glad I'll be doing it in Las Vegas, which will most likely inhibit my ability to fully comprehend the change. Or, at least that's the goal. So, goodbye 20s, hello 30s. Ugh.
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